Tag Archives: happiness

Fear

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One of the biggest barriers in our lives that stops our personal growth is fear.

When I say this, you may agree. Or you may be thinking you don’t have any fears. This is is true when you know you are conversing with others. Sit in a room and have this conversation with yourself and ask yourself “What do I fear about the future?”.

A myriad of answers will come through your mind. From career, relationships, family or just is life going the way you planned. Will I get that job position I always wanted?  Will I ever meet the right person? Will I have enough money to pay my bills? Will I ever buy a house or be financially stable to have kids? Heck even if none of these, have I done enough good in my life?

Truth is, we all have some type of fear.

So why does this happen? There are two reasons.

1. Uncertainty. About our own abilities.

2. How did we learn what fear actually is?

We were born with the ability to love. But we are taught how to fear.

You see as a child, you don’t really know what the concept of fear is. But who teaches you what it is? What are the experiences you’ve had to understand fear? Just like someone taught you maths at school.

This then affects how you think about fear. As the adage goes, your thoughts then affect your actions and have an impact on your character and your life. It can mean you miss good opportunities, excessivley worry or simply become indecisive as a person.

So let’s change that by addressing the core.

Think back. When you were a child you would happily run and jump and touch things. Emotionally you will say what is on your mind. It was like venting and everyone you spoke to was a shrink. You learn through experience to create your own definition of fear.

And then you are taught by others about fear. These are all their fears. You hear their stories, their experiences of fear. These become your experiences of fear.

When you experience other peoples fear, you experience other peoples lives.

You also have increased fear when you are not certain about what you want. There is a difference between knowing what you want and being certain of what you want.

When you don’t have that hunger you won’t do it.

Let’s say you are about to change jobs. Your current job is a comfortable life because you know your work, you know your colleagues, the hours are good etc. But you don’t enjoy your job so you want to leave. But you know your new job will be very difficult, perhaps more challenging, longer hours or perhaps you don’t even know what it will entail fully. Your mind will convince you of many fears why you can’t do it. Others around you tell you to stay, why take the risk. You now start living their fears. Then you start believing that you shouldn’t move. And you don’t move. Even though it could have been the perfect job.

People who are successful are those that create their own definition of fear through experience.

They do this very simply. By listening to their core and having self belief. Being certain this is what they want. Visualising the end result before it’s happened. Then putting in steps to make it happen. When you start to see results, your self-belief increases, so do your actions and therefore you see more results. And the cycle continues…

Ask those that are happy with their decisions and they will say ‘I just knew I had to do it’. It wasn’t a choice.

You may feel that you have been conditioned over so many years that it’s hard, almost silly, to not think about fear the way you do. In fact you may be arguing that it’s good to have fear. Our brains want us to do that. It will convince you. Because it’s comfortable to do what the crowd is doing. It’s comfortable not to take a risk. But comfortable isn’t being alive.

So I challange you over the next month. When you are stopped from doing something because of fear. Think. Is this really what I want? Am I going to do this because I fear what I am doing now? This is also an important question.

Then go for it.

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to really live life

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My happiest time was when I was able to ‘hear’ the sun

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So I’ve just got back from spending some time in Berlin! A lovely city, where I met some amazing people.

One night in a bar called King Size in Berlin, I came across a very successful and well travelled businessman and we got talking.

It started with the usual small talk “Have you been here before? What are you doing in Berlin?” etc and we realised we have similar consultancy background in finance and we’re both economists at heart.

This immediately led to familiarity and we talked more openly about how the corporate culture was flawed with inefficiencies that limit the success of true entrepreneurs.

As our opinions and perspectives gelled more and more we opened up more and more talking about cars, watches and other materialistic items that naturally drive us as humans. He told me he had owned every car I could think of, Aston Martin, Ferrari, Porsche and he had even met Patek Philippe to have a custom made watch to his requirements.

No, he was not trying to hit on me as I’m sure some of you are thinking.

But then he said “Prabhmeet, out of all the things I have owned in my life, and my experiences of living and working all over the world, my happiest time was the two weeks I spent with a tribe in Australia. Living and eating just as they did”.

I was amazed.

Here I was standing in a bar, with music playing and people dancing and drinking and I’ve somehow managed to stand next to this one guy who is searching for the same answers that I am. And I have my own experiences and my own opinion.

The conversation then turned to what do you want out of life? What is the meaning of life?

Now you can imagine I’m pretty interested. This 53 year old guy, a business consultant running a very successful international consultancy is telling me the best things in life are free!

I wasn’t convinced. “But I want a Ferrari! I’m pretty sure I will be smiling when I’m driving around in a Ferrari” I say to him. Almost expecting a reaction.

He laughed and said “Yes, you sure will! But for how long?”.

After going through every single car possible hoping the next one will bring him more happiness he concluded that materialistic items will only bring short term happiness.

I’d read about this stuff in books. But never met someone who had actually lived it.

As a true entrepreneur short term happiness wasn’t enough and he wanted more! How do we get long term happiness?

By chance he had met this tribe and spent time with them. And on the first day they welcomed him with a ‘Hello!’ It was only 24 hours later they then communicated further with him.

This was deliberate. In those 24 hours you are allowed to realise and take in everything around you first, he told me. People, the houses, the sky, the sand, the wind.

24 hours is a long time for silence in a desert. You then start looking inwards. Who are you? Why are you standing here in the middle of this desert? What are you feeling right now? Are you happy, sad, hungry, confused? You start thinking about all the important people in your life. What actions or achievements have given you the greatest happiness in your life? A real and lengthy introspection.

“My happiest time was when I was able to ‘hear’ the sun”, he said to me.

I was awfully confused. How much had this man had to drink! I must have said it over in my head about five times, while he just stood there smiling, knowing I was trying to decipher what he had said.

In everyday life we take all these things for granted. A hello is often followed with a full conversation. I personally sometimes even walk down the road surfing the internet or reading messages on my mobile phone, let alone taking in the wind or the sky. We all do it.

We can seek happiness in our lives where we live with an attitude of gratitude. But how many of us really do this? How simple…be grateful for everything. Where’s the catch? But we want more! We fear losing what we have today so we don’t enjoy it today!

When you have done these two levels of thinking of the external and the internal you reach a new state. A state of ‘now what’? We went on to discuss.

So why are you here?

When you look back at your life, there may be three things you want remembered

1. What would people say about your character

2. What difference have you made to OTHER peoples lives

3. What have you achieved?

Are you living your life currently that will make you proud of all of these areas?

If not, what can you start doing now so you can look back and tick off three of these boxes (or any others) happily.

We both concluded that the greatest happiness comes from living a life where you can serve others.

But why does this bring us so much joy? It’s almost like it charges your batteries and makes you feel energised when you do something good for others. It’s not a heaven or hell thing. It’s not to boast and tell others but it just feels good here and now. The rewards are instant. You feel energised and happy.

How does that happiness compare to buying say a new car or clothes? That feels good too right? But is the happiness different? Could there be different levels of happiness?

What do you think?

But how do we actually dedicate our lives to helping others. Not all of us are multi millionaires. We need to work to buy houses, cars and send our children to school.

The serving others concept doesn’t mean that we have to overnight drop everything and all turn in to Mother Teresa.

It means that in everything we do, every person that we meet, every opportunity we have to serve, we embrace it. Happiness can then be found in every day life.

A lot of people ask me “But how do we actually do this”? Make a commitment. Commit yourself for one week to do one good selfless act EVERY day. Just start with a week. And after a week let me know how it makes you feel.

Keep your batteries charged and notice the impact it has on your character and others around you. All three boxes are ticked.

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