Tag Archives: leadership

“Working from home” are you?

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This was a grave week. Our employer informed us that they are taking measures to cut down on people working from home.

I was amazed quite frankly. The reason given was “we should be in the office so we are together”. Thanks, that’s very helpful.

There are many organisations that are moving in the opposite direction with supporting research suggesting working from home can actually be more productive and increase employee engagement. Why should it matter where you work (provided we have the technology to communicate)? Is it not more important whether you are actually getting your work done on time and to a high standard?

Agreed, working from home all the time will not be sensible and it loses any personal connection and group energy.

But why are employees so keen to work from home? Is it because we now have the technology available so it makes sense to do it? Is it a must, perhaps childcare, furniture delivery, having the car serviced? Or is it because of the freedom – no boss overlooking your every move so perhaps you can spend some time working and some time doing what you would otherwise do in your leisure time?

Why are employers not so keen? Maybe employees cannot be trusted? As London Mayor Boris Johnson once joked “we all know that it is sitting wondering whether to go down to the fridge to hack off that bit of cheese before checking your emails again”.

There may be a wider issue. Google report that the majority of their employees…actually prefer to come to the office to work! Why would you do that when you can work from home and no one cares in a high tech, trendy non-regimented company?

Could it be that the trust issue is not whether employers trust their employees? But rather, do employees trust their employer?

When you are made promises on the company’s value and beliefs and these do not transpire, then naturally you will lose trust and feel disengaged.

Tony Schwartz surveyed 12,000 plus employees to find out what increases employee engagement. This was put down to four key things:

1. Physical (opportunity to recharge)

2. Emotional (feeling valued)

3. Mental (autonomy to do things and be creative)

4. Spiritual (connected to a higher purpose)

So this leads us to the question, what practical steps can an organisation take to increase trust and therefore engagement of their employees?

Stay tuned for a future post on this. Now to get back to work (only messing)!

What is your employer like? What do they do that makes you feel engaged? Do you trust your employer?

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What does natural mean…

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About four weeks ago I decided to take up a mixed martial art based on eastern philosophy. This combines not only combat but also meditation. The whole philosophy of the art is based on being humble and renouncing ego.

“In a battle, it’s not your enemy that will kill you. But your ego.”

The idea is to master the transfer of energy so that as you get older and lose muscle you actually become more skilful and less reliant on muscle power for strength.

So I turned up to class thinking by the end of the first lesson I would have been able to give Bruce Lee a run for his money.

Unfortunately, I have spent the last four weeks just learning how to breathe! I was asked to show how I breathe naturally. So I did a normal inhale and exhale with my chest coming out on the inhale and going down on the exhale. This felt ‘natural’ because it was something I was used to.

Notice when you take in a breath too. Do you also feel your chest coming out with every breath?

This is an ‘unnatural’ way of breathing. I know. I was surprised too!

The lungs have a lot of capacity and when we take short breaths to the chest, we are only using our lungs 30%-50%.

Try it, inhale to your normal natural amount. Hold it there. Then see how much more air you can inhale.

It’s like driving a car everywhere in 2nd gear. We will not get the full potential of the car. Why would we not want to get the full potential of our body?

This happens for two reasons:

1. We want to look good (ego). We have incorrectly learnt that if we stick our chest out, it’s a sign of confidence and breathing from the stomach actually looks uncivilised.

2. We don’t have time to breathe

When you breathe properly, deep breath in from the nose until the stomach inflates and deep breath out from the mouth to get all the CO2 out, this not only gives you more energy, is better for your heart (which now has abundant oxygen to pump blood around the body) but it also makes you feel calm and relaxed.

Why did nobody teach us how to breathe at school?

That is how we were created to breathe.

Don’t believe me? Learn from the best examples – babies.

You will only see a baby’s stomach moving. Having just been born, babies are not corrupted by societal pressures or time limitations. They are the best examples of what ‘natural’ means.

You will also notice this when you see tribes living naturally. It always looked weird to me, the hunters standing holding a bamboo stick with the stomach inflating and deflating. But I’m sure if they saw me siting at my desk, crouching over my laptop, taking half breaths they would be scratching their heads too.

You can even try and breathe naturally when you are ill. If you have a fever, sit up in your bed, cover your head, and make the environment comfortable, light a candle, put the lights off etc. Take deep long breaths in from the nose to fill the lungs until the stomach is fully inflated then deep breaths out of the mouth until the stomach is fully sucked in. People have sworn to have gotten better just by doing this.

Over the next week try this breathing technique. When you are in the car or train or getting ready for work or about to go in to a meeting. Say to yourself ‘remember to breathe naturally’. See how different you feel.

When I do it, it feels like time slows down, my physical and mental state changes. Shoulders drop, muscles relax, mind feels less stressed and I feel more connected to the moment.

This is the way to breathe naturally.

There is also a bigger point here. When we breathe naturally and fully, we also appreciate the importance of patience. This will enable us to make better leadership decisions, think clearly, be more self aware and be more creative.

Don’t do it because it is what we should be doing. It is what we should be doing so we can get maximum returns from our mind and body.

So get out of 2nd gear and start seeing the full potential that you were created for.

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Good people bring out the good in people…

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Have you ever thought about the company you are with? In terms of your social circle.

You have, right? We all have at some point.

Have you ever realised how important this actually is?

Well, I only discovered this on a recent trip to France this summer. A week away in France on a meditation trip, living in a forest and not knowing what the people were going to be like naturally did seem ominous.

On arrival I realised the scale of this retreat. Approximately 3,000 people in the middle of nowhere from all different nationalities around the world and all age groups. Literally toddlers to 70 year plus people. I was somewhat overwhelmed.

As I was setting up my tent in a pitch black forest I heard a voice behind me say “Satnam”. This means ‘truth’ and is a way people in kundalini yoga greet and close meetings with others. It was a girl from Russia, also on her first retreat. She asked if I needed a torch she was holding. I was thinking I don’t know you, your battery is probably draining on the torch that you will need for the next seven nights, why would you offer your torch to me? I was on guard!

The next day as I walked aimlessly not knowing where I was meant to be I tried the “Satnam” approach. I made new friends who not only directed and walked with me but they also offered me extra padding for support as they were worried my mat was perhaps too thin for the ground.

Where was I? Do these people think I’m some type of deity or Hollywood star to offer such hospitality?

At meal times, complete strangers would offer food to each other if anyone were short. If you have a question about something, people will greet you with a warm smile before answering.

One evening, I returned to my tent to find a note attached. I had completely forgot but I’d left my shirt on top of my tent to dry that morning. It rained in the afternoon and there was a note saying, “It started to rain. Hope you don’t mind but I put your shirt under a cover next to the tree”. No name was mentioned. It was only two days later that a complete stranger said, “I hope you found your shirt”.

Maybe this is what heaven feels like.

There are many stories and towards the end of that week I made some very good friends.

But I noticed something about my behaviour when I was there. I was obviously happy, but I felt more confident. I felt at peace. I could ask any question and no one would judge me.

People randomly told me my good qualities. Qualities I didn’t even know I had. They did this with others. I was doing it too. It was contagious to be nice to people.

“When you appreciate the good. The good appreciates”.

The word appreciate means two things 1. to value something 2. to increase in worth.

I realised as more people were being authentic and helpful it made me even more authentic and helpful. We were in a circle that I always wanted to be in..

It hit me when I was there just how important it is to be around good people. How it made me feel. The strongest memories are made of feelings.

It doesn’t mean you never disagree or get angry or disappointed. That happened too. What is important is how those emotions are channeled being around good company.

I came back thinking about the company I am with. Why do I have to leave that feeling in France? What if it could exist in my personal life at home and in my work life? Where we can make choices about the people we are with, that’s what I chose to do. I still have all my same friends but I am more careful when I spend my time. I am amazed at how different I feel. I knew it was important but never this much.

If you truly want to excel in your life, whether in work in your society or spirituality, stay in the company of good people.

Take time this week to reflect on the company you are with. Then make proactive choices to spend time in the company of the good.

“Company of good people is like walking in to a shop of perfumes. Whether you buy the perfumes or not, you are bound to receive the fragrance”.

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You can’t choose some things in life but you can choose your integrity

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Recently, I attended a day conference where all members in the meeting were asked two simple things. We had to raise our hand and promise we will:

A. Come back on time after breaks

B. If we have a question or a point to make that we don’t shout it out. But raise our hand and wait to be chosen to speak

Seemed kind of childish to me. Isn’t this something we use to do as children in a classroom? Did I go through many years of working in corporate life as an adult to only be treated as a child again. I wasn’t having any of it.

On the next break, I enjoyed my tea and biscuits and was in some engaging conversations about the weekend and what was in store for us in the day ahead.

When we were asked to return to the room, I went to use the toilet. As you do. There, I had a great time talking with more friends.

When I returned to the conference room, it was filled with an aura of awkward silence. I squeamishly found my seat, looking at the ground hoping not to draw attention as more members fluttered in to the room feeling anxious from the same imbroglio.

Then we were asked in one of those ‘I’m angry but I’m not going to show it’ voices, “what did you all promise this morning?”.

Come on! Couple of minutes is not the end of the world I thought as I looked around at all the smug faces who actually made it back on time with their necks tall and their chest out.

But the rule was deliberate. It was almost a test. For then we discussed integrity. What is it?

I realised that day that being two minutes late is not the end of the world. But being two minutes late when you say you are not going to be is a whole different experience for your character.

“You can break a promise. But the promise can break you”

Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. It’s a promise to yourself based on your beliefs and values.

I realised I had strong values on the big things in life but being two minutes late or for example cancelling plans with your friends after agreeing did not seem that big to me. In fact, my values had helped to justify this as being polite (!) since I had the courtesy to let them know in advance.

However, when you live a life of integrity at all times, in everything you do, you will see a whole different change in your character. Your confidence increases and people start treating you with more respect.

If you say you are going to do something, do it. Try it for a week with every little thing you say. Some may be promises to yourself that no one else knows, and therefore if you break the promise no one else will know. This becomes tempting. But keep them. A promise to yourself is worth much more than a promise to someone else.

This builds a lot of character and people start to trust you when you say something, because you trust what you say.

Try it for the next seven days and see how it makes you feel. I guarantee you will feel very different.

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Character vs Personality

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What is the difference between character and personality?

Something we don’t generally think about.

There is one key difference.

“You can have many personalities, but you can only have one character at any given time”

Let’s think about it. When you are at home, you may be very confident and funny. At work, you may be shy and reserved. With your friends, you may be the person your friends turn to for guidance and you speak calmly. In an emergency situation, you may be very authoritative, loud and decisive. These are all examples of different personalities.

Your character, to love, to care, to have high morals, to not lie, to be trusted is the fundamental of makes you you, that is the same.

Now character can change over time, through external influences (society) and internal influences (making mistakes, experiences etc). But at any one point you can have many personalities but you only have one character.

Or think about it this way. Personality is what other people see. Character is what you see.

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We learn from failure, not from success

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One of the things I always wanted to understand is the reaction we have after what we think is a mistake. This was an area I was weak on.

We live in a world where we have many choices to make every day. When you have many choices, there is naturally a risk that sometimes you feel you have made a wrong judgement i.e. a mistake. Defined in the Oxford English dictionary as:

“An act or judgement that is misguided or wrong”

After making a mistake, it can feel like it’s the end of the world. All that pressure. You can start thinking I’ve failed. And then the million scenarios start. If only I did x instead of y. If only I made that other choice. Why did I listen to other people…etc etc.

Further still is the nuisance of the justification for making the mistake. This is when the brain starts having fun. The ‘post event analysis’ of why the mistake happend.

In January of this year, after trying very hard I was offered a job I thought I would thoroughly enjoy. The people were nice, the location was brilliant and I would be travelling around the world visiting top Companies. It was like a dream. I didn’t enjoy my current role but I was comfortable, I knew how things worked, I was respected, paid well and worked good stable hours in a stable growing business. But I was still up for the challenge! On handing in my resignation, my current employer offered to promote me further to keep me. This changed the weighing scale completely. And after much deliberation and convincing from friends and family (that I would be a fool to change jobs), I decided to stay. And I rejected the new job.

Initially, I was miserable. This then lead to weeks, if not months, of thinking I had made a mistake. I should’ve have taken the other role. What was I thinking! Why did I say no. It was a huge mistake. One that I felt could have completely changed my life.

The first thing I did was turn to blame. This was to blame other people, who had told me not to change. This is natural. It is our minds defence mechanism for justification. Somehow it became their fault.

Think about a big mistake you last made? Career, family, relationships, purchase decisions even! What happened? Who’s fault was it?

After a lot of thinking you may have concluded that it actually was my fault. I was in control. My mind may have been influenced but I made the choice.

Taking responsibility is the first step.

But for me this was worse! It was harder to live with the mistake knowing it was my own fault. That I couldn’t blame anyone else, which was easy.

Now I was miserable because of me. How does that work?

I thought a lot about it (along with other mistakes) but I was on a mission to understand why. What is a mistake and why do they happen?

Rule no1. never blame others or blame yourself. You had an active choice. But that active choice would have been made anyway, even if you turned back time. Pause and understand this. Because at that point, the significance of the mistake was to guide you. It was to grow your soul. We are here to learn. The real mistake is if you fail to take the opportunity to learn.

Through making mistakes you actually get to see inside your soul. Think about it this way. As humans, there are two main parts. Our physical body and our souls (which are being carried around in the physical body so we can operate in this world).

Getting to know our physical body is easy. We can study it through science.

Through making mistakes you learn about your soul. You learn who you are.

The consequences of your actions from your mistake may seem bad at the time, but if you can understand why you made that mistake and what you would do differently, then you have just grown your soul. You have become enlightened (in that area).

I didn’t learn this lesson initially. I learnt that money was not making me happy and did not leave me feeling fulfilled, even after the promotion. So I contacted a Director at the other job. They told me two weeks after I had said no to the role, the company happen to make redundancies. I was shocked and amazed. But my realization took my life in a new direction, one that was seeking fulfillment. I had to stay in my current job, to learn about money and happiness. If I had chosen the other role, I may not have learnt that for a lot longer.

Mistakes are made to teach us a lesson. Focus on the lesson rather than the mistake.

Now with this new found feeling I am looking for roles that provide long term fulfillment.

So mistakes are necessary. Don’t fret or avoid them with fear and therefore not achieving any progress. 

Sometimes you even have to keep making the same mistake many times, until you learn the lesson trying to be taught.

For those thinking, it’s ok then to keep making the same mistake again and again. You can. In fact, go for it. Take three or five or even ten attempts to learn the same lesson. But know that our time on this earth is limited. Just like when you fail an exam at school, you can keep repeating the year until you pass. But when are you going to apply that knowledge? Learning about your soul may enable you to help others or help yourself. It can take your life in a new direction. Learn quickly. You are wasting time when you could be learning other things.

My understadning is you have not ‘failed’ if you make a mistake. You only fail if you do not apply what you have learnt from a mistake.

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Fear

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One of the biggest barriers in our lives that stops our personal growth is fear.

When I say this, you may agree. Or you may be thinking you don’t have any fears. This is is true when you know you are conversing with others. Sit in a room and have this conversation with yourself and ask yourself “What do I fear about the future?”.

A myriad of answers will come through your mind. From career, relationships, family or just is life going the way you planned. Will I get that job position I always wanted?  Will I ever meet the right person? Will I have enough money to pay my bills? Will I ever buy a house or be financially stable to have kids? Heck even if none of these, have I done enough good in my life?

Truth is, we all have some type of fear.

So why does this happen? There are two reasons.

1. Uncertainty. About our own abilities.

2. How did we learn what fear actually is?

We were born with the ability to love. But we are taught how to fear.

You see as a child, you don’t really know what the concept of fear is. But who teaches you what it is? What are the experiences you’ve had to understand fear? Just like someone taught you maths at school.

This then affects how you think about fear. As the adage goes, your thoughts then affect your actions and have an impact on your character and your life. It can mean you miss good opportunities, excessivley worry or simply become indecisive as a person.

So let’s change that by addressing the core.

Think back. When you were a child you would happily run and jump and touch things. Emotionally you will say what is on your mind. It was like venting and everyone you spoke to was a shrink. You learn through experience to create your own definition of fear.

And then you are taught by others about fear. These are all their fears. You hear their stories, their experiences of fear. These become your experiences of fear.

When you experience other peoples fear, you experience other peoples lives.

You also have increased fear when you are not certain about what you want. There is a difference between knowing what you want and being certain of what you want.

When you don’t have that hunger you won’t do it.

Let’s say you are about to change jobs. Your current job is a comfortable life because you know your work, you know your colleagues, the hours are good etc. But you don’t enjoy your job so you want to leave. But you know your new job will be very difficult, perhaps more challenging, longer hours or perhaps you don’t even know what it will entail fully. Your mind will convince you of many fears why you can’t do it. Others around you tell you to stay, why take the risk. You now start living their fears. Then you start believing that you shouldn’t move. And you don’t move. Even though it could have been the perfect job.

People who are successful are those that create their own definition of fear through experience.

They do this very simply. By listening to their core and having self belief. Being certain this is what they want. Visualising the end result before it’s happened. Then putting in steps to make it happen. When you start to see results, your self-belief increases, so do your actions and therefore you see more results. And the cycle continues…

Ask those that are happy with their decisions and they will say ‘I just knew I had to do it’. It wasn’t a choice.

You may feel that you have been conditioned over so many years that it’s hard, almost silly, to not think about fear the way you do. In fact you may be arguing that it’s good to have fear. Our brains want us to do that. It will convince you. Because it’s comfortable to do what the crowd is doing. It’s comfortable not to take a risk. But comfortable isn’t being alive.

So I challange you over the next month. When you are stopped from doing something because of fear. Think. Is this really what I want? Am I going to do this because I fear what I am doing now? This is also an important question.

Then go for it.

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to really live life

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My happiest time was when I was able to ‘hear’ the sun

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So I’ve just got back from spending some time in Berlin! A lovely city, where I met some amazing people.

One night in a bar called King Size in Berlin, I came across a very successful and well travelled businessman and we got talking.

It started with the usual small talk “Have you been here before? What are you doing in Berlin?” etc and we realised we have similar consultancy background in finance and we’re both economists at heart.

This immediately led to familiarity and we talked more openly about how the corporate culture was flawed with inefficiencies that limit the success of true entrepreneurs.

As our opinions and perspectives gelled more and more we opened up more and more talking about cars, watches and other materialistic items that naturally drive us as humans. He told me he had owned every car I could think of, Aston Martin, Ferrari, Porsche and he had even met Patek Philippe to have a custom made watch to his requirements.

No, he was not trying to hit on me as I’m sure some of you are thinking.

But then he said “Prabhmeet, out of all the things I have owned in my life, and my experiences of living and working all over the world, my happiest time was the two weeks I spent with a tribe in Australia. Living and eating just as they did”.

I was amazed.

Here I was standing in a bar, with music playing and people dancing and drinking and I’ve somehow managed to stand next to this one guy who is searching for the same answers that I am. And I have my own experiences and my own opinion.

The conversation then turned to what do you want out of life? What is the meaning of life?

Now you can imagine I’m pretty interested. This 53 year old guy, a business consultant running a very successful international consultancy is telling me the best things in life are free!

I wasn’t convinced. “But I want a Ferrari! I’m pretty sure I will be smiling when I’m driving around in a Ferrari” I say to him. Almost expecting a reaction.

He laughed and said “Yes, you sure will! But for how long?”.

After going through every single car possible hoping the next one will bring him more happiness he concluded that materialistic items will only bring short term happiness.

I’d read about this stuff in books. But never met someone who had actually lived it.

As a true entrepreneur short term happiness wasn’t enough and he wanted more! How do we get long term happiness?

By chance he had met this tribe and spent time with them. And on the first day they welcomed him with a ‘Hello!’ It was only 24 hours later they then communicated further with him.

This was deliberate. In those 24 hours you are allowed to realise and take in everything around you first, he told me. People, the houses, the sky, the sand, the wind.

24 hours is a long time for silence in a desert. You then start looking inwards. Who are you? Why are you standing here in the middle of this desert? What are you feeling right now? Are you happy, sad, hungry, confused? You start thinking about all the important people in your life. What actions or achievements have given you the greatest happiness in your life? A real and lengthy introspection.

“My happiest time was when I was able to ‘hear’ the sun”, he said to me.

I was awfully confused. How much had this man had to drink! I must have said it over in my head about five times, while he just stood there smiling, knowing I was trying to decipher what he had said.

In everyday life we take all these things for granted. A hello is often followed with a full conversation. I personally sometimes even walk down the road surfing the internet or reading messages on my mobile phone, let alone taking in the wind or the sky. We all do it.

We can seek happiness in our lives where we live with an attitude of gratitude. But how many of us really do this? How simple…be grateful for everything. Where’s the catch? But we want more! We fear losing what we have today so we don’t enjoy it today!

When you have done these two levels of thinking of the external and the internal you reach a new state. A state of ‘now what’? We went on to discuss.

So why are you here?

When you look back at your life, there may be three things you want remembered

1. What would people say about your character

2. What difference have you made to OTHER peoples lives

3. What have you achieved?

Are you living your life currently that will make you proud of all of these areas?

If not, what can you start doing now so you can look back and tick off three of these boxes (or any others) happily.

We both concluded that the greatest happiness comes from living a life where you can serve others.

But why does this bring us so much joy? It’s almost like it charges your batteries and makes you feel energised when you do something good for others. It’s not a heaven or hell thing. It’s not to boast and tell others but it just feels good here and now. The rewards are instant. You feel energised and happy.

How does that happiness compare to buying say a new car or clothes? That feels good too right? But is the happiness different? Could there be different levels of happiness?

What do you think?

But how do we actually dedicate our lives to helping others. Not all of us are multi millionaires. We need to work to buy houses, cars and send our children to school.

The serving others concept doesn’t mean that we have to overnight drop everything and all turn in to Mother Teresa.

It means that in everything we do, every person that we meet, every opportunity we have to serve, we embrace it. Happiness can then be found in every day life.

A lot of people ask me “But how do we actually do this”? Make a commitment. Commit yourself for one week to do one good selfless act EVERY day. Just start with a week. And after a week let me know how it makes you feel.

Keep your batteries charged and notice the impact it has on your character and others around you. All three boxes are ticked.

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