Tag Archives: stress

Be honest, are you transparent?

Last week I sold my car by advertising it as a private sale.

Two brothers turned up to view it. They were the first and were clearly very keen having asked for my assurance on many occasions on the phone that I will not sell the car until they came to see it.

In fact, they were so keen that I actually started to question the price I had advertised it for(!).

They kicked the tyres and we took it for a test drive. I knew there were certain things that already required repair. I also knew they probably would not pick up on these points.

If I told them, what if they were no longer interested in purchasing the car? Should I tell them, or wait to be asked? If they suspect the faults I will definitely be honest, that’s not lying right?

Honesty is being free of deceit; truthful and sincere when you are asked.

Transparency is being free of deceit; truthful and sincere before you are asked.

I know honesty can also mean being honest, before you are asked. But have you ever thought just how powerful transparency actually is?

The two brothers ended up buying the car, despite me telling them of the faults. Why?

When I told them about the faults quite openly, I empowered them. They had information they felt they didn’t have and were likely not to have.

When I am honest reactively, I know this builds trust. But leaves people questioning, why did I have to ask? What else do I not know?

The word ‘builds’ by itself implies it is not yet built.

When I am honest proactively i.e. transparent, trust goes a longer way to being built.

The same applies to companies. Some companies were selling Payment Protection Insurance (“PPI”) to customers who had already retired! How can this even make sense! They were sold an insurance product they would never make a claim on. These customers never asked the loan providers the question of whether they needed PPI and so they were sold it, bundled with the monthly repayments of the loan.

If a customer had asked if they needed PPI on their loan, in some cases customers were blatantly lied to. Some other loan providers were honest at that point and did not sell it. But the question had to be asked. Is this honesty?

What if companies were actually transparent? What if they said, hey, we could make money by selling you this product, but you know what, you’re not going to get much value from it so we would rather not. What happens?

What happens is you get trust from your customers, quickly.

In both our work and private lives, we should realise that being transparent is the highest level of honesty.

This highest level of honesty brings the highest level of trust.

And the highest level of trust in turn brings the highest level of loyalty.

Which business or individual would not want that?

I’ll let you know when I’m selling my next car…

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What does natural mean…

About four weeks ago I decided to take up a mixed martial art based on eastern philosophy. This combines not only combat but also meditation. The whole philosophy of the art is based on being humble and renouncing ego.

“In a battle, it’s not your enemy that will kill you. But your ego.”

The idea is to master the transfer of energy so that as you get older and lose muscle you actually become more skilful and less reliant on muscle power for strength.

So I turned up to class thinking by the end of the first lesson I would have been able to give Bruce Lee a run for his money.

Unfortunately, I have spent the last four weeks just learning how to breathe! I was asked to show how I breathe naturally. So I did a normal inhale and exhale with my chest coming out on the inhale and going down on the exhale. This felt ‘natural’ because it was something I was used to.

Notice when you take in a breath too. Do you also feel your chest coming out with every breath?

This is an ‘unnatural’ way of breathing. I know. I was surprised too!

The lungs have a lot of capacity and when we take short breaths to the chest, we are only using our lungs 30%-50%.

Try it, inhale to your normal natural amount. Hold it there. Then see how much more air you can inhale.

It’s like driving a car everywhere in 2nd gear. We will not get the full potential of the car. Why would we not want to get the full potential of our body?

This happens for two reasons:

1. We want to look good (ego). We have incorrectly learnt that if we stick our chest out, it’s a sign of confidence and breathing from the stomach actually looks uncivilised.

2. We don’t have time to breathe

When you breathe properly, deep breath in from the nose until the stomach inflates and deep breath out from the mouth to get all the CO2 out, this not only gives you more energy, is better for your heart (which now has abundant oxygen to pump blood around the body) but it also makes you feel calm and relaxed.

Why did nobody teach us how to breathe at school?

That is how we were created to breathe.

Don’t believe me? Learn from the best examples – babies.

You will only see a baby’s stomach moving. Having just been born, babies are not corrupted by societal pressures or time limitations. They are the best examples of what ‘natural’ means.

You will also notice this when you see tribes living naturally. It always looked weird to me, the hunters standing holding a bamboo stick with the stomach inflating and deflating. But I’m sure if they saw me siting at my desk, crouching over my laptop, taking half breaths they would be scratching their heads too.

You can even try and breathe naturally when you are ill. If you have a fever, sit up in your bed, cover your head, and make the environment comfortable, light a candle, put the lights off etc. Take deep long breaths in from the nose to fill the lungs until the stomach is fully inflated then deep breaths out of the mouth until the stomach is fully sucked in. People have sworn to have gotten better just by doing this.

Over the next week try this breathing technique. When you are in the car or train or getting ready for work or about to go in to a meeting. Say to yourself ‘remember to breathe naturally’. See how different you feel.

When I do it, it feels like time slows down, my physical and mental state changes. Shoulders drop, muscles relax, mind feels less stressed and I feel more connected to the moment.

This is the way to breathe naturally.

There is also a bigger point here. When we breathe naturally and fully, we also appreciate the importance of patience. This will enable us to make better leadership decisions, think clearly, be more self aware and be more creative.

Don’t do it because it is what we should be doing. It is what we should be doing so we can get maximum returns from our mind and body.

So get out of 2nd gear and start seeing the full potential that you were created for.

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